Father of the bride speech

[samhs]

On Saturday I'm doing a stand-in job for my wife's sister as her father-of-the-bride when she gets married. Obviously this has come a good few years earlier than I expected to have to perform the role, and I'm at a bit of a loss to know where I should start with my speech.

The issues:

- I need to acknowledge both the bride's parents, both sadly absent
- I'm (apparently) supposed to recount an amusing story from the bride's childhood - I've asked my wife, who is struggling to come up with anything!
- Other bits of etiquette I'm not sure I'm yet aware of

I'm recovering from an absolute stinker of a cold/flu that's had me bed-ridden for half a week, so all the time I thought I was going to have to come up with a clever, charming speech has been used vomiting and sniffing instead.

Any advice from those who have done this already? (Mr Y?! )

TIA

[samhs]

*bump*

[Mantis]

So you are playing father to your wife's sister, there are villages in Northumberland that have been doing that for ages

I have not got much of assistance but at our wedding my wife was given away by her uncle who sang the speech. It was quite charming and not as cringeworthy as it sounds.

I would just pick some stories you know about and keep it brief. Where is old Nige when you need him ?

[yawner]

Sorry Sam, just noticed this...

First thing you say (so long as nobody else has beaten you to it) "Ladies and gentlemen, isn't she absolutely beautiful!". And you've got a round of applause as soon as you've started - big confidence booster. 

- I need to acknowledge both the bride's parents, both sadly absent

Hmm, if you haven't already, I'd ask her about this. We're talking about a happy occasion and she may not want you to dwell on sad thoughts. If she is ok with it, keep any references brief.

When my eldest was married, her gran had just died, and the groom's dad hadn't been long gone. Both of them were very much of the "leave it out" opinion, and were grateful that I didn't refer to such things in my speech.

I'm (apparently) supposed to recount an amusing story from the bride's childhood - I've asked my wife, who is struggling to come up with anything!

Make a couple up (or make some old classic jokes fit). Seriously. I've lost count of the wedding speeches I've witnessed where the truth is sacrificed for the sake of a laugh. I have horrible recollections of one of my best man speeches where I was recounting a particular "true" story which I thought was hilarious. Not a titter was heard. You had to be there I guess. 

Find a couple of old (preferably unflattering) photos and get them enlarged so everybody can see. That one always goes down well.

Other bits of etiquette I'm not sure I'm yet aware of

Just be your old charming self Sam and you'll be fine. Get some source material for a couple of one-liner jokes - do an internet search on Tommy Cooper, Bob Monkhouse, Billy Connolly etc Don't try to reinvent the wheel. People don't care if they hear old jokes, they embrace them like long lost friends.

Slip in the sincere bits at the end - they always gets the "ahhhh"s that the ladies are desperate to emit. You know the sort of stuff...

When my old pal was (re)married last year I managed to get in an "ahh" and an insult in the same section. I said (paraphrase) my pal turned up with this pretty lady and I immediately thought there must be something seriously wrong with her, then as I got to know her I discovered she was "as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside". - got a round of applause for that 

A popular toast of mine is the stomach turning "Love, laughter and happy ever after". Amazing how people lap up stuff like that 

Feel free to use/ignore any/all of the above. As I said, be yourself - I bet your speech will be excellent.

[yawner]

do a search on youTube for best mans / father of brides speeches - plenty of good and bad on there.

..which reminds me, I've always liked:

"Fornication!!"

*cough*

"I mean, for an occasion........... such as this"

..but never had the bottle to use it

[inkworm]

Get someone else to do it!

Seriously it's what my father in law did, when the sister in law got married it was the first of his two girls to tie the knot and he'd already arranged for his step son to say a few words as he got choked up, having used that one as a trial run he did the whole thing himself when we got married about 9 months later and though I doubt Sarah n Dave will remember but it was a damn good speech.

That reminds me it's our anniversary tomorrow, better get some matchmakers from the garage

[Matt]

WYS

My father in law made up the funny stories about me, he hates/d me so it was nice he said something about me...

He basically did a quick hello, nice day, then bit about daughter, bit about me, then how we met, then how he wishes us good luck, welcome to the family etc and to piss off!

As your first (usually I think?) you can get in there with jokes and get out without too much hassle.

My dad stood up unplanned and said a few words too, which was nice.

[samhs]

Thanks all

[inkworm]

My dad stood up unplanned and said a few words too, which was nice.

That's good when it works, but we were at a wedding where the father of the bride decided that he wasn't going to write a speech but make it up on the day, it was a complete disaster to put it mildly.

At another wedding the father of the bride really was nervous so the chief brides maid did the speech instead..

[Jeep Stone]

Father of the bride should not be the best man's speech. No jokes about honeymoon in Bangor for instance. It should be sweet, pleasant and sentimental.

*normally

[Matt]

The FIL did a good job, but it was all bullshit, my dad said literally 2 mins worth, and meant loads more. Probably because he gives a poo