lost doggy

[Steve Lampkins]

It was a Saturday morning. So piss of!

[Johnathan]

A policeman knocked on my door last night.

He said, "robwhizz?"

I said, "Yes".

He said, "You're wanted for rape".

I said, "I know I'm good looking mate, but nobody is going near my bum".

[robwhizz]

I said, "I know I'm good looking mate,...

Clueless. Clearly.   

[Steve Lampkins]

Nice edit...

[robwhizz]

Ha ha! Nice edit. Reinforcing what I said. Clueless.

I assume you think I'm commenting on you being good looking? I have never met you. I don't know what you look like. The comment wasn't about your looks.

I said you were clueless because you have made poor and tasteless jokes about rape without having a clue what rape is. Your comment about being good looking proves that.

You need to grow up a bit. Calling people c***ts and making jokes about rape aren't clever or funny. They make you sound like a 13 year old chav.

[Johnathan]

Ha ha! Nice edit. Reinforcing what I said. Clueless.

I assume you think I'm commenting on you being good looking? I have never met you. I don't know what you look like. The comment wasn't about your looks.

I said you were clueless because you have made poor and tasteless jokes about rape without having a clue what rape is. Your comment about being good looking proves that.

You need to grow up a bit. Calling people c***ts and making jokes about rape aren't clever or funny. They make you sound like a 13 year old chav.

I'm not good looking. And putting you name in was for the lulz, not meant to be some sort of personal attack or nuthin'. And surely that would depend entirely on your sense of humor? And what's the problem with calling someone a "c***" in all honesty. It's a word, don't see the problem with it myself. Some people deserve it anyway.

[familychoice]

And surely that would depend entirely on your sense of humor?

You're not being humorous you're being offensive. As usual.

[Johnathan]

I find it funny. You should probably be less easily offended.

[yawner]

I find it funny. You should probably be less easily offended.

Johnathan mate, you can be quite funny at times, but when everyone else says they're offended, and you're the only one left, perhaps its time to modify your position slightly? Just a thought. 

Hint: Keep the real twattishness to Nige's Nasty Gaff and you should be ok. But rape jokes don`t really have a place anywhere on DDN.

[Johnathan]

Well if you's didn't like them I should probably scratch the Maddie jokes then...

[robwhizz]

I'm not good looking. And putting you name in was for the lulz, not meant to be some sort of personal attack or nuthin'.

I've got no problem with a joke. Putting my name in didn't offend me at all. I'm giving you some stick, I'll expect some back. No problem with that.
I thought you were being clever with the edit so it looked like I was challenging my own looks in my own post. Perhaps I was giving you too much credit?
Either way, my point was about your misunderstanding of what rape is about.

And surely that would depend entirely on your sense of humor? And what's the problem with calling someone a "c***" in all honesty. It's a word, don't see the problem with it myself. Some people deserve it anyway.

Some people do. Gaddafi springs to mind.

There is a good a reason for languages to have so many words. They help to give context. When it comes to name calling and swearing etc., there are levels. Call someone a 'silly billy', and it's soft and playful. Probably not meant to hurt. Calling someone a 'dick' and it's stronger, meant to be an insult. C**t is around the top. It's meant to be a nasty name. It's a vile word and it has a strong meaning behind it.
Kids today seem to band swear words around like they are meaningless. They are not meaningless. No word is meaningless.
Would you go to someone that you know is a bit of a hardcase and tell him he's a c**t. No? You know he'd beat the crap out of you. Why would he do that? Because he wouldn't think that being called that is nothing.
Strong words are for strong effect. Don't use them in casual conversation like they are nothing.

[MattC]

I was on an aeroplane last week. A man sat next to me with a dog on his lap. I asked him about the dog and he replied that it was a sniffer dog.
 
So the dog went off up the aisle, it soon returned and put one paw on the man's lap. The man said that meant somebody had heroin on the plane.
 
Off went the dog again and returned and put two paws on the man's lap.
The man said that meant someone had cocaine on the plane.
 
Off the dog went again, this time it returned and jumped onto the man's lap and immediately pooed.

When I asked what that meant he said the dog had found a bomb.

Almost, and I mean Almost made up for the first one.

[orydian]

Back on topic (dog jokes). Heard this one last night...


A shepherd and his talking (yes, talking) dog are in a field getting sheep into pens.

Shepherd says to dog "See those sheep over there? I want you to go and round them up."

"Yesh, shir!" Says the dog and a couple of minutes later he returns.

"All shirty sheep in the pen, shir!" Says the dog, happily wagging his tail.

"Thirty sheep?" Says the shepherd, scatching his head. "There were only twenty nine before!"

The dog looked back at him with a big smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye, and (as if to keep the reader waiting unnessiarrily long for a punchline that really isn't worth it) says

"Yesh shir... I rounded them up." 





ory.
Getting his coat.

[robwhizz]

Joke of the thread (so far).

[Steve Lampkins]

That's not saying much.

[yawner]

A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress.

The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapés the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped.

"SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet.

Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one.

"Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he shits on you!"

[Steve Lampkins]

Reaching back into the pre-digital archiving system... getting nervous Yawner?

[Johnathan]

How do you stop a dog?




Put it on paws.

[rutty]

This should keep Nige amused for a while:

http://www.abdn.ac.uk/jokingcomputer/webversion/subjects.php

[yawner]

This should keep Nige amused for a while:

http://www.abdn.ac.uk/jokingcomputer/webversion/subjects.php

1st joke from there

what do you get when you cross string with a room?

a ki - chain.

[orydian]

Joke of the thread (so far).

Ithangyew.

ory.