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yawner
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« on: March 25, 2011, 09:17:56 PM » |
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A man was walking his dog in the park. The dog ran off and vanished. The man walked around for nearly an hour, calling but no dog, so he went home. His wife said he should look harder.
So he shaved his head and got a tattoo but still couldn't find the dog.
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2011, 09:21:34 PM » |
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I was on an aeroplane last week. A man sat next to me with a dog on his lap. I asked him about the dog and he replied that it was a sniffer dog.
So the dog went off up the aisle, it soon returned and put one paw on the man's lap. The man said that meant somebody had heroin on the plane.
Off went the dog again and returned and put two paws on the man's lap.
The man said that meant someone had cocaine on the plane.
Off the dog went again, this time it returned and jumped onto the man's lap and immediately pooed.
When I asked what that meant he said the dog had found a bomb.
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #3 on: March 26, 2011, 09:42:13 AM » |
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Started of terribly, didn't improve that much.
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yawner
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« Reply #4 on: March 26, 2011, 10:33:31 AM » |
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ok then, something more on the level of you lot.......
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his weenie today at the playground!"
Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's mom asked, "Really small, was it?"
Sally replied, "No... Salty."
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #5 on: March 26, 2011, 10:34:58 AM » |
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Man sitting in the pub with his wife. He said, "I love you"
She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
He replied, "It's me talking to the beer".
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #6 on: March 26, 2011, 10:35:36 AM » |
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One day, Yawner, one day.
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yawner
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« Reply #7 on: March 26, 2011, 10:55:52 AM » |
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Being a modest man, when I checked into a hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick swine.”
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #8 on: March 26, 2011, 10:59:43 AM » |
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The Pope has relaxed his views on the use of condoms. He says in exceptional circumstances it is now okay to use them, for instance, if the altar boy has diarrhoea ......
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #9 on: March 26, 2011, 11:38:55 AM » |
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I had a bit of an accident over the weekend ....I was cooking some Spag Bol on Sunday and was chopping some Herbs... must have rubbed my eye as i got something in it ....I went to the doctor and he said its left me Parsley sighted.
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #10 on: March 26, 2011, 12:44:42 PM » |
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And you were doing so well...
Must be used to that, being a Magpies fan.
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yawner
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« Reply #11 on: March 26, 2011, 12:48:05 PM » |
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ken dodd is fronting a new tribute band, its called............
By jovi!!!!!
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #12 on: March 26, 2011, 12:56:22 PM » |
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When my grandad was ill, the doctors tried treating him by covering his back with lard.
He went downhill pretty fast after that.
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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yawner
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« Reply #13 on: March 26, 2011, 03:04:54 PM » |
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How I spoil you lot
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Johnathan
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« Reply #14 on: March 26, 2011, 03:25:51 PM » |
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What's the national dish of Ethiopia?
Empty.
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8==D~  |
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yawner
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« Reply #15 on: March 26, 2011, 07:23:43 PM » |
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian, an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, and a Swiss man walk into a pub.
The landlord says, "I can't let you in without a Thai."
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #16 on: March 26, 2011, 08:26:16 PM » |
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I really hope you had to type all of that out.
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yawner
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« Reply #17 on: March 26, 2011, 10:09:27 PM » |
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what I would give for a "LMAO" or even a lower-case "lol" ...or a titter?  |
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"Far less of a c*** than you used to be" - Mrs Y
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #18 on: March 27, 2011, 12:54:33 AM » |
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Titter we not.
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Johnathan
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« Reply #19 on: March 27, 2011, 01:01:06 AM » |
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You need to break out the rape jokes. They always get me going.
Statistically 9/10 people enjoy gang rape.
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8==D~ |
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Dom
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« Reply #20 on: March 27, 2011, 12:46:13 PM » |
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Not for the sensitive:
What's worse than ten dead babies in a mailbox?
One dead baby in ten mailboxes.
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Johnathan
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« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2011, 12:47:14 PM » |
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That's just taking it too far Dom. Dark humour isn't everyone's cup of liquidised dead baby you know.
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inkworm
Jr. Member
Posts: 97
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« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2011, 05:02:07 PM » |
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why doesn't someone just post a link to sickipedia and have done with it?
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Johnathan
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« Reply #23 on: March 27, 2011, 05:16:20 PM » |
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Because then the social aspect of telling a joke would be gone.
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Steve Lampkins
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« Reply #24 on: March 27, 2011, 05:58:18 PM » |
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Bring a smile to my lips: ban Johanohanthon or whatever his name is.
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robwhizz
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« Reply #25 on: March 27, 2011, 06:39:01 PM » |
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A rape joke is an oxymoron.
Johnathan is just a moron.
When you grow up johnathan I hope you read back some of crap you posted and realise what an utter boob you sounded.
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Great post Jon! I have been following the effort since you started it, and although I have understood its purpose this post does a really great job solidifying the full rationale.
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Johnathan
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« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2011, 06:40:53 PM » |
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It's not like I raped anyone... recently.
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rutty
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« Reply #27 on: March 28, 2011, 07:08:47 AM » |
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Uncle Nige made me smile  |
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Jem
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« Reply #28 on: March 28, 2011, 09:16:39 AM » |
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Started off terribly, didn't improve that much.
Fixed that for you.  |
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oi.
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neal
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« Reply #29 on: March 28, 2011, 09:31:45 AM » |
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Started off terribly, didn't improve that much.
Fixed that for you. If we wanted to be real pedants, we'd change the comma to a semicolon too  |
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sig edited due to migrating from .net
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