England Footie Jokes

[Chris H]

Man goes into a brothel. Says "I want to be humiliated, totally!"

"We can do that for you Sir, it'll be £37.50" says the Madam.

"Wow!" says the man, "that's cheap, What do I get for that?"

"An England shirt" says the Madam.

[Dom]

Judge: Do you want to live with your mother?

Child: No.

Judge: Why not?

Child: Because she beats me.

Judge: OK then, would you rather live with your father instead?

Child: No.

Judge: Why not?

Child: Because he beats me as well.

Judge: *sighs* Well who do you want to live with?

Child: The England team, because they don't beat anybody.

[Chris H]

Woman: Doctor, Doctor! I keep hearing 'Come on England' from between my legs.

Doctor: Nothing to worry about Madam, a lot of twats do that.

[Chris H]

I was in Tesco looking for OXO cubes. I saw beef, chicken, lamb, vegetable and England.

So I said to the shop assistant, "what is the England "

And he replied, "it's new just out,......................... it's the laughing stock!!

[Dom]

Haha, classic.

[Dom]

Osama bin Laden has just released a new TV message to prove he is still alive. He said the England Team performance last Sunday was completely poo. British intelligence have dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded any time in the last 44 years.

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I can't believe we only managed a draw against such a poo team that we should have easily have beaten...... I'm ashamed to call myself Algerian.

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The England team went to visit an orphanage in South Africa this morning, "its so good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling, and facing the impossible", said Jamal Omboto, aged 6.

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Fifa have released a statement saying the fan didn't break into the dressing room after all, but was let in by Rob Green.

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Q: What's the difference between Rob Green's spill and BP's spill?
A: Robert Green has got a cap for his.